A different approach... are you JOKING!

Yesterday I called in sick to work... yes I was off for 2 weeks for R&R and just got back to work the 19th but I was sick!  I usually don't call in and go even when I am sick but you know what?  A day at home ALONE, sick or not, is often needed.  My heart hurts, my head hurt and yesterday my stomach hurt.
I still don't know what to do with Miss Smarty pants but she is learning about consequences.  She still has NO TV, Wii or DSi.  Her only allowed enjoyment is reading, no playing with her toys (not that she EVER does that anyhow, but thats for another post!), no friends, no NOTHING for a week with days added on for attitude.  At this point my sanity is going up but my electrcity bill is going down.  Yesterday hubby told to take a different approach and I almost flipped my lid. 
After the whole lunch money incident and charging school lunches because she didn't like what SHE packed he said that I should CALMLY take her to the store and ask her to pick out her new lunch choices.  I explained that she has been doing that... to which he replied that maybe I could remind her of all of these things.  That the way I was describing how she had been acting didn't SOUND like his little girl.  Well... genius maybe thats because you have spent a grand total of 28 days around her in the past 375 days!  Of course thats not what you think because she was total honeymoon while you were home getting as much attention as her little heart desired... she was allowed to interupt conversation rudely because it was "sweet" she wanted to talk, you didn't say a word when she was rude, full of attitude, or talked back because "you don't need to react to everything (anything in my opinion)... yes I am a frustrated wife.   All of the normal rules went right out the window while he was here.  No bedtime, no responsibilities... TOO MUCH!
All things above is WHY I needed a sick day yesterday.  I laid in my jammies on the couch watching the Royal Wedding, got a quick Skype date around lunch and then laid around the rest of the day.  I picked Diva up from after school care at 5 and ended the night. 

Today I am equally as frustrated just a little more alert to be so.  Well... off to finish laundry!

HAPPY SATURDAY!

Balancing like an Elephant

Have you ever balanced on a ball?  I feel like a 1000lb elephant trying to balance on a tennis ball on some days but on others I feel like the clown with TOO MANY balls in the air.  I know it’s the Army Wife way but that doesn’t mean that I feel good about it all the time. 

Its funny some days I don’t want to blog about happy stuff because I feel like I am always too cheerful… then others I don’t want to whine cause I feel like I am whining all the time.  BALANCE.

Balance is a word that eludes me… well a concept really.  I have never been balanced but Lord knows I have never been this UN-balanced.  I have too many balls in the air and I know that eventually one is going to fall… so far so good but I can’t keep this up forever.  I wish I could but that’s just not a realistic concept.  My friends joke that I think I am Superwoman between the deployment, my job, Diva, gymnastics, kickboxing, volunteer work, 2 dogs… the house, buying a house…. And sleep.  The sad thing is that even if Hubby were home I would be doing the same things with about the same amount of help.  The difference is that I would have my best friend here to whine to and cry to. 

I am frustrated with work… with Diva… with the Army… with my family and with people who, I swear, speak just to hear themselves but have nothing worth while to say.  Don’t tell me how to handle my child if you have no children, or a deployed husband when you have either NEVER been married/in a serious relationship or NEVER been alone… certainly don’t tell me how to live my life.

My job is becoming increasingly frustrating.  Right now, while he is deployed, I do not HAVE to work.  Now that everything is paid off we make sufficient income so my salary is basically our house savings.  This being said, it’s becoming MORE and MORE hard not to throw up 1 or 2 fingers and quit.  I hate being taken advantage of and working with people that have ZERO motivation to learn their job and have some mental retention in order to allow me to have my promotion.  Yep, PROMOTION… it’s being held up due to stupidity.  CRAP!

Diva is doing things or has done things at school that I am JUST finding out about.  Charging school lunch when she takes her lunch daily… one that SHE packs to ensure she likes what’s in there.  She fessed up to stealing food from lunches (I knew about this as it happened during the summer program last year) and lunch money from a student (not sure when this happened).  The punishments seem so much less severe than if it had been me and my mom punishing me.  I put up a list of daily chores that must be done to earn back the money that I paid out in unneeded lunches in addition to losing all electronics (TV, Wii and DSi).  She told me this teaches her nothing… so she will be pulling weeds at Grammie’s this weekend as a manual labor punishment.  I just don’t know what to do with this child… I am at a total loss some days.  My parents would have spanked us, grounded us and then… who knows what else!

I need a nap, a drink and a massage… in any order!

Back and forth

A friend of mine had her R&R 6 months ago… our husbands are deployed together and she got first leave time and I got the last.  We compared notes before and after on kids, feelings and our husbands.  She said the same; it’s harder when R&R is over than when the deployment all starts.  We started discussing the ‘honeymoon’ period… maybe that’s why the end is harder.  Before the deployment there is so much stress about packing, spending time with everyone under the sun, getting all your affairs in order… just a lot.  R&R is vacation; there is fun and a lack of stress.  Hubby was doing the dishes, making dinner… being overly sweet and romantic and very involved (complained CONSTANTLY about my Blackberry going off… then he admitted it’s just because he doesn’t have a phone there and it’s probably the same as when he is home) R&R is like a fairytale that you never want to end… then it does and you find yourself back at the American Airlines terminal hugging and kissing while people stare. 

Even hubby noted in conversation that it seemed that the 2 weeks went by slow it was WAY harder to say “Mahalo” this time even though we have less than 100 days till this is ALL over.  It’s CRAZY but true.  Who knows?  I do know that little Miss is my priority right now and it’s heartbreaking to see her hurt like this.

We have had a very open dialog about all of it.  I feel that she understands more now and can articulate her feelings a little better.  She just says that she really misses her daddy and hopes this is all “DONE” soon.  She asked me why he signed up for the Army because it takes daddy’s away from their daughters.  She also talked about whether or not he was coming home or if the Army and his current country were going to keep him forever.  We snuggled and giggle as best we could and I put her to bed.  I wanted to just cry for her but I was too angry to.  I was angry that I couldn’t take it away and make it better.  I have never been angry at him for following his dream; he is a Soldier and has been for much longer than he has been a husband or father.  I have never said a cross word about service or our country…   I am proud of his service I just wish that it didn’t take such a toll on Diva. 

How do you help your kids deal with the deployment and the back and forth?

Get it all done with and fun

I work full time… that’s 7:30-4 EVERY WEEKDAY.  I am beat tired by the end of the day and weekends are spent cleaning up from the week.  Now that R&R is over I do not want to get into the rut I was in before where I let the house go to pot and had 7 inches on the bed to sleep in but I also don’t want to neglect my dear Diva.  She is taking daddy leaving even harder this time than she did before.  The last time was all theatrics and little substance… because she didn’t understand truly how long he would be gone.  This time she is comparing the last 9 months to the next 3.  She just sits and sulks… she is sullen and sad and just misses her daddy. 

The last week especially I have learned how to be creative in fun Diva stuff because, lets face it the kid hates to clean.  Saturday mornig I started with her cleaning her room listening to her NEW iPod loaded with Glee and Camp Rock 2 music… then this weekend was a Wii marathon with Just Dance 2 and Michael Jackson Experience.  I have learned how and where to hide the controller to lose games and which ones she does a little bit better. 

We also worked on her balance and listening skills.  Did you know that kids used parked cars to stop their bike as its WAY more effective than the brakes built into the bike.  Last night I was informed by my darling Diva that she should be able to hit my car with her bike as it’s mine so no one else can get mad.  While this is true I don’t want to pay for the increased damage my dear child.   I tried to explain money to her… so I explain that it will cost about $1000 in paint and dents to which she replies, “that’s not that much” so I said it would be like 100,000 pennies.  Her jaw dropped wide open… haha.  So now I know that pennies are the way to go.  She wants to prove herself to daddy when she gets home by being able to fully ride her bike without falling and/or crashing.  Thank goodness USAA is so amazing for insurance… I may need it!

My house ... well the front of it.... is basically clean!  Now to put my own clothes away.

Love and Poop

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find." Unknown

I was looking up motivational quotes last night ... then just started looking up quotes and came across this one.   I am not usually a super mushy girl.  I swear I didn't cry for YEARS... I was just totally unemotional.  WHen hubby and I met and Diva came along my emotions started as well.  I joke with him that I must have gotten his genes (His family cries... ) when we married.  I don't mind it so much any more.... I still contend that crying just makes me look like crap and gives me a headache but MAN this deployment and Army Wives have brought it out of me. 

This quote made me think of Hubby.  We have both been through so much in our lives before we found eachother and we just seem perfect together.  We met, became parents and got married in 9  months.... and Diva is adopted so there was no hanky panky on that one.  Hubby walked into the life of a 26 year old single girl that was in the middle of adopting Diva.  I lived on my own, didn't want a husband just someone to hang out with until Diva came.  He moved in and fell in love with US... not just me.  He became her daddy and my best friend... he became OURS.  

I hope that Hubby always knows how loved and important he is to me and to Diva.  He is my husband, my love, my soul mate... and on top of that, even half a world away he  is my best friend!

MUSHY OVER

The stupid puppy decided that his kennel is now his bathroom... I am SO tired of cleaning up dog poop!  SO irritating!  No matter if he is in there for 15 minutes after a 4 mile walk and pooping his weight in the grass he finds a way to poop in the kennel.  So he is getting bathed several times a day and so is the kennel.  NASTY.

MilSpouse Friday Fill In

YAY!  My first one post R&R! 

Head over to Wife of A Sailor and link up...

Each week she posts a list of questions on Thursday (so you can have your blog ready on Friday). Then you just head back on Friday and enter your blog post into Mr. Linky so others know who else participated and we can all visit other blogs.  And please feel free to use the button above!

1. How many pets do you have? And what type? submitted by Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl

We have 2 dogs (1 very well behaved and the other, well lets just say he ate my rug last night), we have a Liger cat (HUGE Orange kitty) and a fish. 

I caught him chewing his leash and bed at the same time

Roger - my very unruly puppy is a Welsh Corgi Jack Russel mix and good grief he is nothing but problems right now.  He refuses to potty train!

Tweedle dumb and dumber!

Cuddled up on my couch.... sweet baby

 Bentleigh is my baby - she is a 6 1/2 year old Shih Tzu and rules the roost.  While hubby is gone she sleeps with me and I LOVE that.  She taunts the poor puppy all the time. 

Hitch is the Liger... I swear the cat is HUGE!  Don't let his cuteness fool you, he is distructive!  Sadly every time I have contemplated getting rid of him for breaking the mini blinds, knocking bowls off the counter at night or sharpening his CLAWS on my couch he lays on me and looks like this... so I am stuck.

Purple Ethan is Diva's fish.  Daddy told her if she can keep him alive through the entire deployment then she can upgrade.  I thought he would die after a month but NOPE stupid fish is still alive.  I have convinced her that a hampster is a bad choice... we are currently looking at a Gecko!  Downfall is that they eat crickets and I have a distinct FEAR of those little jumping things.

2. What are your favorite projects to do while hubby is away? submitted by my-inspired-nest

I already finished fully decorating our current apartment (he loved it when he came home and saw it)  Our new one is house purchasing!  Since hubby left we have had our eyes wide open for our first home… so far not so good but its fun!

3. What are the must-haves in your deployment care packages?  submitted by Christine’s Little Blog

GUM… he is ADDICTED to chewing gum.  He even packed HIMSELF a box and shipped it back on R&R with GUM.

4. If you could star in any TV show, which would it be? submitted by Just a Girl

Law & Order SVU… I would love to figure out Whodunit with Mariska and Chris

5. What was the biggest hurdle that you faced during your/your significant other’s first deployment? submitted by The Pavlik Perspective

This is our first deployment so the biggest one we have faced is all the individual changes we are making.  The growing separately and making sure that we still grow together.

Knocked up on R&R

I am a happily married adult so yes, I can say Knocked Up... besides it was a movie, albeit not an Oscar winner but a movie nonetheless.

On the way into the airport yesterday (walking in, full uniform with me barely hanging on choking back tears) Hubby commented “Wouldn’t it be nice if our house offer was accepted and you were pregnant all on R&R?!”  ARE YOU NUTS!  Of course he would say that… he is a man and has had ZERO child responsibility in the past year!  Let’s see just THINKING about it - between my time off for maternity and daycare cost alone I get an ulcer!  Yes, I want another child… no question about that but it’s all about timing.  He has been gone 2 days and people are already asking if I am pregnant…. REALLY PEOPLE! 

We tried for several years before he left… I have a 5% chance of conception so adoption is our plan.  Diva has already informed us that we will be adopting a boy!  Ok, little miss thing I got it.  I am happy in that plan as adoption takes years and I like those odds.  Diva being 8-ish and hubby and I married 5 years…. Yep that’s a great plan!

I know a lot of women get pregnant on R&R, I mean they have cute shirts on CaféPress, but it’s doubtful I will be that woman… mainly based on the fact that I started THE DAY he got home (moments after we got home…oh yes, 10 days late!).  Poor guy has been waiting 9 months to see me naked and he gets a wife with a ripcord!…   I am anxious to see all the pregnant bellies at Homecoming, hopefully they belong to the same women that were there when they deployed… lets be real the Chilean Miner had NOTHING on certain members of our military.  Hubby just laughs at me when I give him The Rock eyebrow over pregnancy comments but after 4 ½ years together I think he expects it!

How many of you tried to get PG on R&R?  Did it work?