Something I hate about myself...
I can’t really say that I HATE anything about myself… I dislike that I hate putting laundry away to the point that it just piles up clean in buckets in which case I spend TOO much time ironing every morning, I dislike doing dishes, I dislike that I look at myself being about 50lbs heavier than I really am.
Ok… so I guess I hate that about myself. I hate that I put such an emphasis on being thin, that my life revolves around what I eat and how… that I freak if I gain a single pound! Diva and I are trying to eat better while BD is gone... that way when he gets home we will all be better with our clean eating. BD has been doing an amazing job getting into even better shape since he left. We have been the opposite... I think for every pound he has lost I have, so sweetly found and inherited. I am so proud of him and wish that I had his motivation. I am just in a rut... I know this but I hate that I am miserable looking at my self in a swimsuit right now because I am not in impeccable shape, mind you I weigh 127lbs. I have not been able to make it to the gym consistently since BD deployed and have gained a few inches. I hate it and cry... then drown my sorrows in dark chocolate. Yep, I have eating issues. I think I would binge and purge if I didn't mind the throwing up part. I just binge... it's sad and pathetic. I know this, I accept this and I work on it but it's a flaw.
I don't want Diva to inherit my flaw, I want her to love her little body no matter what shape she is. We are practicing healthy eating and portions right now as I think she is a bottomless pit. I could only wish!