Technology and Forgiveness

Ahhh technology! Deployments suck... we all know this. It sucks that your loved one isn't there. It sucks that you have to watch all these people on TV making out, families at the grocery store and hear all these cutsy stories at work from women talking about the sweet way their husband was on their date last night... YEP SUCKS. Well, with that being said... THANK GOODNESS FOR TECHNOLOGY. How cool is it that we have email, skype, IM, text and cell phones... things that they haven't had in wars past. Back in the day women waited MONTHS for a letter to come telling them that their man was ok, sorry there were no women on the front line then. Now we have almost instant gratification. With that comes responsibility though... first you have OPSEC and PERSEC. Operational and Personal Security... basically but don't put it all out on the web because most likely it will fall into the wrong hands. Second comes the hard one for me... expecting the call, IM, email or skype at a certain time. I sat at my desk the other day over an hour having to pee because BD had been emailing me at a certain time. Finally my bladder won out and I went to the bathroom... cell phone in hand just in case he emailed my personal account. Yes, it's crazy. What we do to ensure communication with our service member... the places my phone goes makes people laugh and when I get a weird look in the bathroom holding my cell phone and checking it incessantly I simply smile and say "my husband is in Iraq and I don't want to miss the call"... most people still think I am crazy as I wouldn't dare answer my cell while peeing. NEWSFLASH... Yes, I would as if BD has not heard me pee before. Knowing Big Daddy... he would just laugh. Thank you Alexander Graham Bell and Al Gore for inventing the two things that my life as the wife of a deployed soldier revolve around.

Now onto my 30 day challenge... which is challenging for me.

Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for

Anyone who knows me knows that I forgive pretty easy but not always the best at the forgetting part. BD was the first person I had apologized to for anything in more years that I care to admit. With all the forgiveness that I do, I don't forgive myself for much. I am harder on myself than anyone ever has the opportunity to be. I always worry that I am going to mess up Diva, that I am not going to be everything that my husband wants/needs me to be. It's truly amazing how hard I am on ME. Forgiveness is such a fickle thing.

I need to learn to forgive myself for not standing up to people in my past that have hurt me. I never stood up to my certain individuals and I have let that control me for too long. I have to forgive myself for taking all of my hurt out on people who truly love me. I am learning.