Day 02 → Something you love about yourself

Day 3 of the new blog... I got to IM with BD yesterday.  Well actually I am blessed that I get to IM or email him daily, baring any missions or internet blackouts.  Yes, we pay dearly but the $88 for in-room internet is still cheaper than his cell phone bill when he is home.  I am not like some of the wives that freak out if I don't hear from him and pace by the door waiting for the Chaplain, nor am I one that gets all pissy when I don't hear from him (yes I know those wives)... my husband isn't even on Facebook so I don't stalk him there.  We just have a great marriage that is all about trust... I know that he will email, call, IM or skype whenever he can... no pressure.  This deployment has taught us so much about being patient, understanding and taught us both that we really need to do better at listening.  BD has a loud Army voice and I tend to be loud at times... so we are not always the best at actually listening to eachother.  Over the past 6 months I have seem that Diva has my sass, thats for sure.  With her daddy's facial expressions... interesting combination for sure.

So... Day 2 was a hard question too.  Not hard because I had to find SOMETHING that I loved about myself but the one thing that I loved the most and that defined me the best.  So here goes.

I love a lot of things about myself but what I love most is my strength. 8 years ago I left an abusive relationship and started a new life. 4 years ago I began a journey to adopt my beautiful daughter as a single parent. 3 years ago I married my best friend and the Army. 7 months ago my husband told me he would be leaving in 30 days for training and then a 13 month deployment to Iraq. Strength is just something I am and I am proud of my strength. It’s odd to talk about my feelings about… well myself. I can talk about most things pretty easily. I found this question to be a bit difficult but realized that my strength is what has kept me alive and moving forward. My strength led me to my amazing husband because Lord knows it took strength to enter into a relationship. It was my strength that allowed me to KNOW I could move forward in adopting without a partner… it’s my strength that is getting me through each day the wife of a deployed soldier… and it’s my strength that keeps me from snapping off to some idiot that asks me things such as “Aren’t you afraid he is going to get killed?” or “Do you miss him?” or my personal favorite “How do you do this?” Lets see… yes, I am terrified that the love of my life and my soul mate will be injured but I have faith in the Lord that nothing will happen. We have both been through our share of heartache and crap, nothing is going to stop me from sharing my life with him! Do I miss him? Yes, like I would miss my right arm if it were suddenly taken away. I miss little things like his smell, the smell of oversprayed Axe body spray in my bathroom every morning… and the big things like his arms wrapped around me at the end of a long day or his kiss before bed every night. How do I do this… oh yes HOW. Well moron, the better question is: How could I NOT do this? This is my husband not my neighbor, I love him more than anything… we have vows, and a relationship. We have a future. See… strength not to backhand stupid people. Haha.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”  August Wilson