HAPPY MONDAY and the ensuing Groban-fest!

5 years ago I was introduced to this sorta geeky Bocelli sounding kid from LA - My big 240lb 6'2 boyfriend was IN LOVE with him... sang his operatic songs and seranaded us with songs in several languages.  Summer of 2009 the now Hubby took me to see this operatic genius (well he was being inducted into the Hollywood Bowl Hall of Fame and sang only THREE songs!) and I was hooked! 

This is a Josh Groban week (first of 2 shows we are seeing this year!) and I couldn’t be more excited about it.  I saw him in a mini concert last year in Santa Barbara without Hubby (but Groban did wish hubby a HAPPY VETERANS Day on camera for me!) so I am ELATED to be able to go to my first FULL concert with Hubby sitting next to me trying to sing the songs with the same (although out of tune) melody. 

So much of our wedding planning was done listening to Groban songs (although not our actual wedding song) and this deployment has been a Gobanfest of emotion filled songs.   Its amazing what hearing a specific song can do for your mood, how you can recall the specific moment you heard it – I LOVE music.

So Wednesday night Hubby, me and Hubby’s mom will brave the mean streets of LA to go see Groban at the Staples Center!  I am a little bummed as we had AMAZING seats for his San Diego concert before he CANCELLED it so now our seats are mediocre!  I am a less than happy Groban-ite!

Favorite song (non English) – Solo Por Ti

Favorite song (English) – tie between So She Dances and In Her Eyes

Song I couldn’t hear until deployment was over – War At Home (still haven’t listened to it actually)

T Minus 3 days... AND COUNTING

It hit me...

Tonight Hubby went grocery shopping by himself while I gave Diva a shower - after a full day of car shopping she was a grungy kid.  No car purchased, he is pretty bummed since we sold his gas guzzling hearse car while he was deployed (Dodge Magnum V8 with a Hemi!).  First of all sending a recently deployed husband to a grocery store ALONE in NEVER a good idea!  There are so many available things that he hasn't seen in a VERY long time - Second be prepared for the ensuing randomness of items.  Luckily Hubby didn' do too bad in his buying power but definitely bought things that our house hasn't seen in a very long time. 

When he got home and started putting his items away, with Diva's help OF COURSE I lost it completely.  I began to just sob uncontrollably.  It FINALLY hit me that he is HOME - not on R&R or pass but home.  He isn't leaving again for a few years.  Well not for major Army stuff.  He will be going to drill in 90 days and will be back at work soon and may have a few things he needs to travel for there but nothing more than a few weeks.  Panic set in, a weird feeling.  Instead of a panic that he won't love me or will be killed fighting for a country but a panic that something will go wrong here.  These are my panic-y items:
 - What if its a SUPER hard reintegration
 - What if Diva starts struggling harder than when he left
 - What if we are totally different together

It all seem ludicrous writing it down but for a moment I just panicked.  He just held me and asked if I needed a few moments by myself.  Weird as it seemed - I did.  I needed to just walk away and here I am writing because, as I said months ago, writing is my sanctuary. 
For the past 15 months I have been alone.  Alone in my thoughts, alone in my fears and just alone.  I have made all Diva decisions, all my decisions, all of OUR decisions.  With a distance of several continents and thousands of miles its been just me here and just him there.  We each need some alone time to help with our together time.  I feel horrible saying that but its true - I WE can't rush all of this and in a way we are.  We are putting so much effort into being a together US that it's ridiculously overwhelming for me.  He got home 3 days ago and it's overwhelming, I admit that.

I know that 15 minutes from now will be better, and tomorrow will be better and in a month we will be back to normal but for right now... I need a few moments of ME time, ME in my thoughts and ME in a quiet room.  I love him more than life and I love our marriage enough to admit my limits and it hit me tonight that no matter what he is HOME!

Officially doing the GTL!

He is home... officially and FINALLY!  Picking him up at the airport was amazing because Diva got to go.  As she impatiently waited for him to come off the plane (I think he may have been last on purpose)

*sidenote * The pick up at John Wayne was a NIGHTMARE!  There was NO parking so after 20 minutes of driving around (knowing I needed to park decently close due to 2 duffels, a ruck and a backpack) I was cutting my time WAY too close to still check in and get through security so I asked the nice guy at valet parking if I could leave my car there for 25 minutes or less to pick up my soldier.  His response was so nice (said DRIPPING with sarcasm) I could but then it would cost me about $30.  The cost for 24 hours is $30!  Are you joking?!  Nope, I had no options so I actually paid $30 because that money was nothing if I missed him coming off the plane!  Then we got inside and waited in the US Airways line... NIGHTMARE... and the RUDEST agent assisted us.  I asked for the passes to get through security, presented my military ID and he handed me a pass for security.  I asked if my daughter, standing RIGHT next to me the entire time, needed one... he snidely asked if she needed to come with me!  REALLY... no sir she is going to hang out here can you watch her?  GOOD GRIEF!  Another 5 minutes explaining why my 7 year old has no ID.  Luckily the TSA agents helped get us through the line quickly and we got to the gate AS the first passengers were coming out.

Back to my story:

Diva waited, looked around people... got on her tiptoes and asked me no less than 100 times where HER daddy was.  As soon as she saw him it was like a monkey – she bobbed and weaved through other passengers and then climbed up his body.  She didn’t let go... and has barely left his side other than school for the last 2 days.  She even started crying last night when I picked her up alone.  I had to explain that her daddy was at Albertsons across the street.  Then he surprised her with a trip to the OC Fair – they spent all night flipping and spinning on rides that make me nauseous just thinking about.

Today is his second day of leave and his plans are gym, running, laundry... and tanning.  I am glad that he is home and relaxing.  Back to work for me...

He's real...I promise

Today I will be picking Hubby up from the airport.  The first thing out of Diva’s mouth this morning (hair in her face, eyes barely opened) “today my daddy’s home... finally home!”  Her excitement matched my nerves.  I will finally have my husband home – really really home.  No more training, no drill for a few months...  a normal family.  The house is not in the shape I had hoped to get it in but it gives him something to do for the next few weeks before he goes back to work. 

Last night I was talking to my new neighbors and mentioned Hubby coming home this week – 1 of them looked mildly surprised.  Maybe she didn’t’ believe that he really existed, haha.  A figment of my imagination and it took me a moment but I realize that no one I work with or that we live around have ever actually met my husband.  They have all heard stories about my MP husband, some random thing that happened in theater or his bronze star but he isn’t ‘real’ to them.  I have a million pictures on my desk – most are professional and look like catalog pictures so maybe they think I see ‘people’.  Most people, especially in the non military civilian community we live in, can’t imagine what it’s like to be apart from your spouse for more than a year so it all makes sense. 

In just a few hours I will be in his arms... then off to Target! 

And so it goes -

This is my last night asleep alone – the last night that I have to open all of the widows before bed (closing them all before I leave for work to avoid over using the AC) and curl up under a blanket on the chair alone.  The last night I will make dinner for one (that feeds 2),  tuck Diva in by myself praying for daddy's return... and subsequently fight with her the next morning about not getting ready to go fast enough.  The last night I will decided, without consulting anyone, what to do after work. 

Tomorrow... tomorrow is the last change in our life for awhile.  The last time I will be picking him up from an airport in uniform.  The last time I will get a priority pass to head to the gate to meet my soldier.  This is a big one though.  Although I realize that Hubby has been home twice in the past year both times have had an end date – a perfectly timed honeymoon period to enjoy vacation.  This time, it’s for good... well for good in Army terms.  It’s the weirdest feeling to be almost done with the entire deployment.  This change comes with so much anticipation and excitement as well as uncertainty and patience. 

I can't believe it's been 15 1/2 months!  We started with home station AT in April 2010 then more training – and a 2 week break and then we stood there at the Doubletree in beautiful downtown Bakersfield saying our “see ya’s” with Diva a hyperventilating mess ( my poor baby couldn't even say anything beyond "don't go daddy").  After a bit more training he got a 4 day pass and I snuck out to Palm Springs without Diva and spent 4 days with my husband before he headed back to Ft Bliss and ultimately to Iraq.  As we waited for R&R through the holidays and birthdays there were days and months that flew by and others that have taken a lifetime.  R&R was the fastest 2 weeks of my life and then we were back at the whole deployment thing... and homecoming.  Homecoming was awesome!  The excitement and anticipation for that first kiss is immeasurable... then just as fast as he was here he was gone again.  ALC was probably the longest 40 days of the entire deployment.  Maybe because he was 6 hours north of us and we couldn't see him, because it was the longest we have gone without Skype or because we made the decision (not the Army) I don’t know but I am glad to see it over.

This past year has seen a lot of changes, a lot of firsts and a TON of growth for both of us.  There is no question who our friends are nor is there a question of our love.  He is the man that I will spend my life with as I am the woman that will nag love him for the rest of his.  Now... just 24 hours and I will have a real husband again.

Zen SHMEN!

His Zen is rubbing me the wrong way!  I am manic at times.... WAY dramatic and over the top and a HUGE ball of stress and nerves.  My darling husband used to be similar to me – he was just always on 10 and I fluctuated (usually below 5 unless we were late or I was lost).  NOW... it seems that I am forever on 8 and he is about as worked up as Matthew McConaughey on Dazed and Confused.  Not sure how that will transition from Iraq to Orange County... from unit living to house with animals and a 7 year old and time constraints and work and bills.  See... I even get worked up writing it!  I am happy that in just a few days I can resume my ‘forever’ but I may need to load him up on caffeine just to keep up!

My other weekend randomness.... Recently it has come to my attention, that there is a person on MY Facebook page that doesn’t like me.  Reason I know this is that for the past year she has ONLY commented on my status or blogs when she has something negative to say others have mentioned it but I just noticed it.  I don’t know what I have ever done to her but oh well - What I don’t understand is WHY she remains there.  It’s become a fun little experiment at this point – I comment on her stuff and she doesn’t respond, I test my theories and she does.  I am NOT 15; I think it’s rather childish.  I wish I knew WHY she doesn’t like me; maybe it’s my honesty that she doesn’t find so refreshing.  At least I know in my heart that I have never said anything behind her back that I haven’t or couldn’t say to her face – unlike those that she calls friends.

Growing up my mom’s reason for mean girls was always jealousy.  This NEVER made sense since I was always the less fortunate kid in school.  As an kid it never seemed to bother me, mainly because I never attended a school long enough to really care and never cared what people thought anyhow.  I really have never been one to care what others think of me – I am sure that I have irritated, annoyed and pissed off enough people in my life... I am not perfect BUT I have the heart to admit that. 

I have lost close friends for reasons unknown – watched friendships just fade away because life happens and changes – I have seen new ones form and bonds strengthened.   Basically I have the important people in my life that should be there.

One thing I know for sure is that I can not wait for Wednesday and then planning our house painting and HOMECOMING party!

Expiration ... I am expired!

Yesterday was officially my last day as an active duty wife...  my ID card expired yesterday so it's the end of an era.  Its weird - I have spent the last year quoting my 'sponsors' social, using his insurance and other perks of being a milspouse.  Now I get to go back to being just ME, Mrs.Hubby First Name wife and not Mrs. SSG Hubby Last Name wife - I am pretty excited about this.  Hubby does reenlist in the Reserves this year, after 14 years in he better... haha. 

Well- MilSpouse Friday Fill In time!

1. Do you have siblings and are you close with them?

I have 2 younger and an older – My younger brother is 15... so the 16 year age difference is interesting but he is awesome and I love having him around.  My younger sister... well I have nothing to say here.

My older sister and I live about 20 minutes apart and have a great relationship.

2. Would you rather be slightly UNDER weight or slightly OVER weight?

Well duhhhh I would of course rather be slightly under weight!!!  I have lived my life underweight so I am used to it and rather feel more comfortable there.

3. What's your favorite State Fair food to splurge on?

I LOVE funnel cakes.  I took Diva last year and we had funnel cakes with chocolate chips.

4. What are your thoughts on your kid(s) going to school in a few weeks?

I am glad she is going to be back to the structured days of school BUT it means that my baby is another year older... she graduates in 10 years.

5. Pool or Ocean?

I love sitting by the ocean but being in the pool.  The ocean is beautiful and peaceful...

Thank you to Wife of a Sailor (click the button above) for these weekly Getting to Know You questions!  Last week it was “or’s”… this week it’s fill in the blanks. I love quotes (you might have noticed that I start each of my posts with one) so these are the beginnings of famous quotes… I want your version of the last part of the quote.

1. Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he’ll finally be busy away from the TV.
2. It is amazing what you can accomplish if  you can stay up past your childrens bedtime
3. If you can’t stand the heat stay in Southern California!   
4. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to where someone else is walking

Well behaved women seldom have any fun