I love Glee and when I was starting this post and listening to Glee Christmas – the New Directions spoke to me. Basically seems that I need to stop, and send my energy and light in a new direction. I also realized that I can’t sing and often can’t tell the boys and girls voices apart (Kurt Hummel!)
I spent Friday night writing and editing my book... only to realize that it’s not the book I want it to be and am essentially starting over - The book started out very raw and honest and got lost somewhere in a ball of fluff and that is NOT what I will publish! I want to look back at my book and say YEP, that is EXACTLY what I planned it to be.
Tonight is also the premier of the Candy Queen – and our show will be airing. TLC came in and filmed our homecoming party for this pilot show. I am so nervous and excited to see this moment between my husband and our friends and this great surprise!
Beyond that- life has been good, odd but good. We have been, ok I will keep it about me and say that I have been struggling with life post deployment and where I fit. Most days I don’t really feel that I fit anywhere. I have given up so many things since Hubby has been home in order to just be all about family time... however it’s far from reciprocated and I need to learn to be ok with that. I just don’t think I can – all the things that I came to LOVE about him while he was gone are things that I thought would stay when he got home... you know the little things like stopping and surprising me with freeway off ramp flowers just because OR maybe getting up with Diva JUST ONCE and letting me sleep beyond 7am on any given day. JUST SAYIN.
We are also talking about the next addition to our family and there is a HUGE conflict inside- part of me WANTS to try ONE more cycle IUI before we move forward with the adoption but I am 95% sure it won’t work (this is based on the fact that I have a 5% chance of ACTUALY doing it.) and really don’t want to waste any more time or money. We both hope to have another little one in our home by NEXT Christmas, we shall see.