Baren?

**Please read this with a lightheart - My story in short
 I was diagnosed with Primary Ovarian Failure at 20 years old (My chances of getting pregnant are less than 5% as my egg count is LOW.) - basically I was pre-menapause and on Hormone Replacement Therapy at 20!  My little sister gave birth to my beautiful oldest niece a month before my diagnosis so I became the best Aunt I could.  My husband and I went through infertility treatments and hoped to have a biological child however after 4 years my poking and prodding is done - maybe... **

With so many friends pregnant, trying or done with babies I find this conversation happening around me ALL the time. 

Having a 7 year old daughter always adds the question from people of WHEN we are having another one.  I would LOVE a GAGGLE of kids... I wish I were the crazy Dugger lady except they would all be foster kids and I would not be worrying about my uterus escaping my body in hopes of never being filled again.  I mean really... good grief to have 19 babies inhabiting one uterus... umm thanks but no.

This question of when ALWAYS makes me laugh internally.  WHY?  A) It’s NONE of your business!  If you know me then you know my story and if you don’t then STAY IN YOUR LANE.  B) When most people that go through infertility treatments get sad over this why do I giggle?  Its the only thing I can do - being sad and mad does no good.  I often jokingly use the words barren, infertile, NOT with child... The word baren is funny to me NOW, after 12 years of infertility because I only use it when an older person questions my future baby making plans... I respond, looking down and pathetic and say, “No ma’am I am BAREN!”  This usually shuts them up... if NOT well then I will explain my Menopause at 19 – and hot flashes and HRT.  That’s usually the end of it. 

It’s all true –  Its still hard when I see some 15 year old on the news with a baby in a dumpster or killed by an abusive parent- WHY can’t I but they can?!  

NO- I am not jealous of family/friends that have babies!  I am SUPER happy for them.  I love baby showers, baby names and the smell of cute little bundles of joy.  I think that being a mother is the most amazing feeling ever.  I want everyone, well every responsible adult in a responsible place in their life, to have this.  I don’t like when friends tiptoe around the baby thing OR push it into EVERY conversation because it's not a big pink elephant.    This does not mean that I don’t want to look at a baby and see my eyes or my ears BUT guess what.  I see those things in Diva – she has my stick straight fine hair and my huge feet!  Lucky for her she does NOT have my nose (or Hubby’s ears)!  She is MY daughter – I couldn’t love her more if I spent HOURS in labor and MONTHS of breastfeeding. 

Will she have a brother? WITHOUT a doubt – and per her request, he will be just like her! 

2Fer Friday Fill in's and a Roundup!

Our office is sweltering today... Its 7:30am and probably about 85degrees INSIDE - just get my work done and head out of here!

YAY!  Friday Fill in Time baby... Oh and my little Diva is finally home TOMORROW!  YIPPEE!  Only another week of ALC and the Hubby is home too... then I get to celebrate my birthday!!! 

I accidently did last weeks questions - so here are 2 sets from Wife of a Sailor!

First of all... visit A Creed and A Psalm for the MilSpouse Weekly Roundup

I love learning more about my fellow MilSpouse bloggers!  I learn so much about my fellow bloggers and can’t wait to learn more. 
Each week, Wife of a Sailor will post a list of questions on Thursday (so you can have your blog ready on Friday). Head back on Friday and enter your blog post into Mr. Linky so others know who else participated and we can all visit other blogs.  And please feel free to use the button above!This week’s questions are:

 

This week, it’s all about the “or’s”… just make sure you tell tell us why!

1.  Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook - I don't get Twitter at all.  To me it's Facebook without the pictures

2.  Hard Tacos or Soft Tacos?

Hard! 

3.  Gardening or crafting?

Umm... neither unless I HAVE to choose in which case I will go with crafting

4.  Fruit or vegetables?

Fruit - OMG I LOVE fruit

5.  Motorcycle or bicycle?

I would love to ride a motorcycle but at this point (since I am SUPER unbalanced) I will stick with a bicycle!

 

1. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
YEP!  Hubby even knows that if it’s a really bad day that maybe a tube of chocolate chip is the way to go!  I will sit there with a spook and inhale that stuff! 

2. When you get online for the first time of the day… what site do you immediately head to?
Google.com. I get all my entertainment news and I search The Possessionista (work doesn’t monitor my google apparently!)

3. What was your favorite pet as a child and why?
I had a Collie named Max – got him when I was 2 years old and he lived until I was 10 before my parents put him to sleep.  I was devastated

4. If you had a snail that could magically grant wishes, what would you name it?
Elmer2 – I had a chicken named Elmer and it would fit equally here!

5.  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?
I suck on it and bite it... never have actually licked one of those things.  I am WAY too impatient!

Rules for 5QF: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear on Friday morning!

Questions for Friday, July 29th: (Special thanks to @katieb38, @ByGollyMsHolly,@MarandaLamping, Sandy, and Pam for their question suggestions! Wanna be linked in a future Five Question Friday? Well, c'mon over to my community or watch for my Twitter shout out on Thursday mornings and offer up your best question suggestions! Remember to@5crookedhalos me using hashtag #5QF if you go the Twitter route!)

1. Vow renewal ceremonies-yay or nay?

I have to say – YAY... Hubby and I renewed our vows on our anniversary BEFORE he deployed and will on our anniversary upon his return.  I think that there is something romantic about it.  Its not for anyone else, just for us.

2. What sound/s annoy you the most?

Little girl squealing and puppy howling – those two things are WORSE than nails on a chalkboard to me.

3. If you had to pick, would you have only all boys, or only all girls for kids?

I would have all girls- mainly because I have Diva and I have a sister so it seems that I am good with girls... then again I haven’t had to be the parent of a PMS’ing daughter yet!

4. Do you believe in alternative medicine?

Yes- I am a firm believer in Acupuncture because I have seen the benefits. Besides... synthetic medications can’t be all that good for you all the time.

5. Would you take a family member's children and raise them if they needed it?

It would all depend on the reason – A sociopath child that the parents can’t deal with?  Probably not, Omen was my favorite movie BUT I don’t want Damien living with me... JUST SAYIN

Last weeks questions... oops!

 

Thoughtful Thursday – the Deployment Team!

Have you ever dealt with companies Deployment Team?  Sprint has one, Verizon has one, most MAJOR credit card companies have them... and USAA has one (which is the one that I rely on MOST!)  These are the groups that help deployed military confirm that their policies and contracts are handled properly. 

So I called USAA this morning - We have our auto/renters insurance taken out automatically twice a month in the SAME amount.  Well this morning I looked at the account and to what do my wandering eyes see... 4 TOTALLY different amounts taken out of our account in LESS than 30 days.  $50, $685, $30 and $93!  I called the nice people in USAA Insurance to question the random charges, which totally defeat my budgeting and the REASON I set up the autopay (well that and I kept forgetting to pay it).  The nice man starts looking into the account and finds out that the $685 wasn’t actually taken out of our checking account, it was an escrow thing BUT the others were correct.  I asked WHY my AUTO policy was so high all of a sudden to which he responds, “Well your Comp and Collision deductibles are zero and there is a little added premium for 2 drivers on 1 car”.  My jaw hit the floor (oh and this was after 28 minutes on the phone), “Sir, my husband has been deployed for 15 months now so unless I am covering insurance on his humvee in Iraq I shouldn’t be paying for him to be insured”.  He puts me on hold (10 minutes), comes back and says that he will be putting me on hold AGAIN to speak to his manager to SEE about getting me a retroactive credit for all the OVERCHARGING for the past year... he will SEE about it because I did contact them and provide all his deployment information.  SO ANNOYING!  I would have thought with the MILLION times I have spoken to them and their deployment department over the past 16 months someone would have caught this.... apparently not!  CRAP.  After a total of 45 minutes on the phone and being on hold for an additional 15 minutes he came back on the line asking to call me back in 20 minutes – No problem!

OVER an hour later he called me back to tell me that he was crediting me backdating to October BUT had submitted to his manager to backdate our account to April 2010 – when he left for AT – I should see a credit on our next bill.  I WOULD SAY SO THERE BUDDY!  Over charging me for 15 months... good grief.  I am OVERJOYED that I found this mistake though -

It isn’t helping that my dumb butt went and got sick!  I do not have the time or patience to be sick.  I got about 16 hours of sleep yesterday and am still tired and yucky feeling – at least with out a husband around I don’t get asked if I am PG.  I swear as soon as a woman of child bearing age gets the flu people feel that they just MUST ask if she is pregnant. 

Have a MAGICAL Thursday~!

Do you like tata's??

OF COURSE YOU DO... you either have them or like looking at them

I usually don't ask - I am the worst fundraiser for this walk sometimes BUT after getting my butt kicked walking for the last 3 years - I am asking everyone I know (virtually or otherwise) to support my upcoming walking.

Every 3 minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer!

Year 1 - NO problems with my feet or anything... I trained and trained and trained.  The 2 or 3 days after the walk were tough on my ankles but I was SUPER cocky because I did it.  Hubby and Diva met my mother in law and I at the end with silly signs (Your Breast Performance!)

Year 2 - No major issues again but I did train less... still somewhat cocky from previous year.  Hubby met us end of day 1 but thanks to Drill in San Diego was not available end of day 2.  Grabbed our bags and just headed home... pretty anti climactic!

Year 3 - SUPER cocky so I didn't train.  BAD BAD BAD idea!!!  Ended up with either Planters Faciitis or Tendonitis somewhere around mile 10 on DAY 1!!  NO BUENO!  I pushed through, took my weight in Aleve and walked a bit slower... ok ALOT slower than I am used to BUT I made it to the wellness village.  Day 2 was a slow start and a tender ankle but determination was there.  I started to cry around mile 11 (Mile 37) due to uneven terrain and not being able to control the bend or flex of my left foot.  I CROSSED the finish line - barely walked for 2 days.  No Hubby - thank you US Army AGAIN.  Went home and took care of my Diva!

Year 4 - I am TRAINING and will beat my finish from last year... We finished 656/657 out of 2400 walkers!!!  Yes - I will run on a damaged ankle just to finish... my pain is no comparison!

Like so many others - Breast Cancer has touched my life... sadly not just once.  For the FOURTH year I am walking in honor of 6 great and inspiring women who have impacted my life.  These women are all amazing and each step I take in my 39.3 mile journey will be for them and others like them that have been faced with the challenges of breast cancer. It will be for their families and friends that saw them through their tough times and were there to rejoice in even the smallest victory. Thank you to each of them for their story and for being the driving force and inspiration behind this walk.

Victory for me will be crossing the finish line again (hopefully being able to walk, unlike last year) and surpassing my fundraising goal, and I hope you will be part of it. Please take this opportunity to honor the women you love by donating to the cause.

Each person that walks will have a pink item with their name on it photographed at their chosen mile marker!  I saw this last year and just LOVED the idea so by the end of the walk I will have a bunch of pink items (cant decide if I want flowers or butterflies) thanking my sponsors for their support. 

If you can, please donate by clicking the picture above- every dollar really makes a difference.I

SkeeBall of Love

Do you remember the moment you realized that you were falling in love or in love with your significant other? 

For the record Hubby TOTALLY said it first, but I KNEW before the words were spoken.

We were on our 3^rd date – 2 weeks after we met.  Hours of phone calls, emails, texts and MySpace messages ensued during those first 2 weeks.   Yes we both knew 3 weeks into our relationship that this is what we wanted.  We both laugh because it was at Dave and Busters – He killed me in Basketball but I SCHOOLED him in Skeeball (incidentally I still do!).  Not sure WHO walked out with this skeeball but here it is in all its glory.  I was rearranging boxes in the garage the other night and found it.  I get a giggle thinking about the fact my jeans were too big in the waist and totally showed my butt, I was trying to shoot hoops in heels and felt SUPER uncoordinated all the while falling in love with this guy that I just met. 

Several years later, Skeeball is still one of our favorite competitions and its my smiley thought when I miss him and my ONLY one UP on him.

Thank you Hubby for our dating years, our marriage, family and relationship.  I love US and can’t wait to be US breathing the same OXYGEN!

Our Two's - Bieber and Southwest!

What a few days –

I picked Diva up from her week at camp – the kid was FILTHY! I asked her if she actually showered at camp, to which she responded: “Tuesday and Thursday were shower days!” EWW.  Please tell me sweet Diva you brushed your teeth daily, “OF COURSE MOMMY, I didn’t want stinky breath” 2 showers in 6 days and breath was your concern... oook!  She got in the car and immediately informed me that she did not like sleeping in a cabin because the girls snored!  Funny coming from the child that, just 10 minutes later, was waking the dead snoring.  Haha.  Then she decided to take off her shoes... NASTY.  She was covered in blisters... and dirt.  We got home, to an Edible Arrangements from Hubby for my birthday, hit a good dinner... a little swimming then it was BATH TIME!  Even after all the swimming the soap suds were still yellow (paint from camp) and brown tinted.  EEWWW! Clean and in her clean new bed... she was out like a light. 

She woke up on Saturday SUPER excited for camping with Gramma Shiloh - and her first airplane trip ALONE!  After a fun day together that including this Princess learning how to use her new dryer (which had no gas hooked up, stupid Lowes guy!), I put her on her flight with every cliche'd parent thing to say - No strangers, no potty, just sit in your seat - blah blah.  My big girl is just too much these days!  Another week without my loves... soon.... soon!

I was on a mission to get Diva's room totally done before she came home but that proved it was impossible - I got a good majority done and she is just THRILLED with how it currently looks.  I can't wait to finish it and surprise her again.  I still have a Bieber poster and some small mirrors and curtains to add... can’t wait until its ALL done!

Our room is coming along – HA HA RIGHT!  I just keep moving crap from one side of the bed to the other and back.  Talked to Hubby about our room last night – said he can’t wait to come home and sleep in his bed.  HAHA – I wanted to pee from laughing.  Like I can FIND his side of the bed currently, I mean really?!.  ONE big PLUS is that my closet is almost done – that makes me feel relaxed because I can actually find things to wear. I have spent the last week digging through boxes and bins to find my clothes... NOT anymore!  Now to move on to Hubby's clothes, I am sure he will be dying for civilian's after 16 months of ACU's.

Then... yesterday I celebrated our 2's with my Grandma - we are 50 years apart almost to the day so this was my 32nd and her 82nd birthday.  YAY!  Love you Gram!

Is there anything you do first when you move?

Brandywine Paradise!

I met with the house painter yesterday - we need to just put a fresh paint inside.  He brought me samples to decided on the interior color and I couldn't pull the trigger.  First they were both shades of WHITE!  Did you know there are like 30 shades of white?! From pink to peachy, taupy to grey and even BLUE.  Nope - he painted a spot on the wall and it looked white to me - too much stress so I am defaulting to Hubby to help when he gets home next month.  Until then my living room furniture will remain in my garage and the 19" TV in my room.  haha

I LOVE to paint myself so last night I started the home painting with Diva's room.  Since she is gone at camp it's the easiest time to paint and organize her room.  The wallpaper was TERRIFYING until I lifted a corner and it all basically just came off!  There were a few minor spots where I had to finess it but over all easy peezy!  Thank you to Hubby's Mom (Mom Villa - like Bob Villa) for her wisdome!

Here is Diva's list of wants:

Hot pink room

Mirrored closet doors

a chalkboard wall
a crystal chandelier ($99 at Lowes)
TV/DVD player

Here is the reality Miss Diva

Brandywine/Velvet Purple WALL (it's almost magenta folks!)

White currently installed closet doors (we shall talk mirrors at a later date!)

a chalkboard 16x24 framed wall spot
a crystal table lamp (thank you Goodwill!)
TV with no cable and a DVD player

Last night I got the colored wall painted and the white walls painted.  Tonight I will be tackling the kitchen while her room continues to dry. 

Tomorrow is my first ADULT girls night in so long!  I am excited to have dinner with a friend who may be an inlaw someday - our kids are boyfriend/girlfriend since Diva chose to kiss the poor boy!

Here is where we started:

Current wall/ Dunn Edwards color

Theme

Dreamland and a Camel Dairy!

 LOTS of Pics!

In 2008 Hubby and I decided to leave our LARGE and CHEAP 2 bedroom apartment for a step up to a nicer area and a great school district where the median home price was $515,000 (sometimes I question his logic but we do what we need to for our kids!)  We loved the area and with hubby's civilian job and odd hours I ALWAYS felt safe - Then 1 month before Hubby got deployment orders (nope, we had no clue they were coming!) we moved into a larger 3 bedroom beautiful apartment in so that we had room to grow our family and just be more comfortable (first 2 bedroom was 1100SF and new one was 936SF) so we moved into a 1300 SF 3 bedroom apartment HOME (don’t get me started, an apartment is an apartment!).  We have talked about our future and next step since we got married and living there seemed like a great place to raise Diva.  I have never had roots, sorry mom but really, we moved almost every year from 2^nd grade through high school!  When someone asks my hometown I giggle inside and say, “Well, I graduated high school in the mountains”. 

Since hubby left for his sandbox vacation we have talked about Dreamland – over the course of 14 months it changed periodically but always came back to owning our first home.  We have had dreamland in Hawaii, dreamland in Santa Barbara and even dreamland with 2 kids in it but all of these things come back walking into our own home and having more permanent roots for Diva and any future little ones.  In May, we put in an offer on 540 Dreamland (as it became known for the duration of escrow).  All of our sacrifice and saving have paid off and we are now the proud owners of 540 Dreamland!  We moved north of our old apartment by about 15 minutes to a city that is super cute, in a new subdivision and CONSIDERABLY less than the old place - our mortgage and rent are the same!

Exterior!

Living room - NOT our furniture

Diva's room - This is the 2 year olds room BEFORE we Diva it out

Master bathroom - 2 sinks and a soaking tub were on the list of MUSTs

This weekend, without the help of Hubby, we moved into our first home!  After 3 days of physical moving, 3 broken nails… numerous bruises, a few scratched pieces of furniture and ZERO sleep we are all moved in.  Now to UNPACK!  OH LORDY – in 5 years we have amassed an interesting amount of CRAP.  I will be methodical in my set up of our home… I LOVE the way that sounds, OUR!  This week the painters will come in to convert downstairs from Psyche Ward white to a more warm off white and Diva’s room from a 2 year olds yellow room with a HORRIBLE wallpaper into a BIG GIRLS paradise of hot pink and black!  My plan is to have Diva’s room and the guest room all put away before she comes home Friday – then my room next week.

This is the loan package - as explained to me it's not signing your life away its signing UP for a new chapter!



The garage post move... yes, it became the CRAP location 



YEAH - thats my living room set up in there.

Our beautiful kitchen

Master bedroom

Master bedroom from a different angle with Hubby's closet

This is going to be Diva's NEW room theme!

Also this weekend was the weekend that Diva left for Army Reserve Enrichment Camp at the YMCA camp ground!  Hubby and I both went to Y-Camp as kids (we were both older than she is BUT I decided it was best for her).  I drove the 5.5 hours yesterday and dropped her off.  She was so excited because 7 out of the 10 girls in her cabin are military kids with deployed daddies!  After we put her sleeping bag on her bunk she basically threw up two fingers and said PEACE OUT MOM! Not even mommy, but MOM!  JEEZ KID.  I am glad that she was so ok with camp and I am sure she will have an unbelievable time however she has been the only constant in my life since she was born – the military and civilian jobs have taken hubby out of town and out of the country periodically since we have been together but my little Diva is always there.  This week will be MUCH harder on mommy than on Diva!

Diva's cabin at camp -



Diva's bunk - top JUST like mommy and daddy!



A Camel Dairy!  Who would have thought this would exist in California

CUTEST BRACELETS EVER!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE these bracelets by the Got Your Back Network!  All proceeds go to fund programs to help the families of our fallen military - what better place, right?

If you would like to order one:  Got Your Back Network

$10 (thinner band)

$10 (thinner band)

$20 (thicker band with dogtag)

$20 (thicker band)

Friday Fill Ins!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Fridays!  Today is a great Friday!  Hubby has his first test for ALC - he has been studying like crazy which makes me so happy and excited for him.  Today is the last Friday fill in in our current location - and my last one before Diva leaves for her extended camping trips.  ENJOY!

1. If you knew your best friend's spouse was cheating on her or him, would you tell her (him)?

We JUST had this conversation regarding deployment – IF I knew my friends husband was cheating (or if hubby’s friends wife was cheating) what would I do.  Best friend – I would tell her because my allegiance is to her and not to the snake she married.  Sadly, I would have to be prepared for her not to believe me.

2. Soda in a can or a bottle?

I don't drink soda unless I am eating pizza… so I prefer soda from a fountain

3. What do you wash first, hair or body?

I split it up!  Shampoo hair, wash face, rinse hair and apply TONS of conditioner THEN wash body.  Its my own little routine!

4. What advice would you give to any new mama?

Breathe!  It is all worth it in the end.  Diva has been a patience tester since the word go but with every horrible crying day comes a night like last when she drew me a picture that said she would miss me while at camp!

5. What is your best hangover remedy?

Hangover?!?!  A bottle of Gatorade and 2 Excedrin Migraines… well I haven’t had a hangover since my ill fated Bachelorette Party but that’s what the Hubby MADE me do!

1.  If you could have a private concert with any singer, who would it be? submitted by An Air Force Wife’s Blog 

Hubby and I with Josh Groban!  We both LOVE his music… it reminds me of planning our wedding (we wore out the Live at the Greek and Awake CD’s) and it got us through Deployment (aforementioned Awake CD ALONG with the NEW Illuminations CD).  His mom and I went to a small concert in Santa Barbara while Hubby was gone and JG even wished him a Happy Veterans Day on camera! 

2. Is there anything you do to supplement your family’s income? submitted by Our Life, One Adventure at a Time 

Not yet – I just started selling military inspired tshirts and tank tops.  Working to get them into catalogs by the holidays!

3. During your pregnancy (whether past, present, or future), what did you nickname your unborn baby before you knew the sex? submitted by Explosions of Love 

Diva was going to have a different name but never a nickname – they didn’t come until she did

4. Have you ever won a blog giveaway?  If so what did you win? submitted by Mrs. O’s Life 

No- and I am a little (ok A LOT) sad about my poor luck!

5. If I looked into your refrigerator right now, what would I find? submitted by Married to the Army  Absolutely nothing.  My fridge at home is empty and unplugged while we’re in the States.

Not much- moving this weekend made me remember NOT to go shopping.  PLUS Miss Diva has been at camp all week this week and will continue to 2 other camps for the next 2.5 weeks so no need for real food.  Its funny as we haven’t told anyone where we are moving or why – so we have friends showing up to help me (since Hubby is gone, convenient my dear!) with no real idea of where we are going.  Haha.

4 oz of diuretic drink = mamma drama!

This move MAY be the end of me.  On top of my tumble OVER Diva 2 weeks ago, my tumble OVER the baby gate AND Diva last weekend the box movement is almost WORSE.  Last night in the midst of carrying about 1 MILLION boxes into the garage my hand got slammed between a box (books I think) and a wall/door jam.  To make matters worse my engagement ring embedded itself into my finger and INSTANTLY swelled!  Then I tripped and hit my pinky toe into a box or sledgehammer… WHO KNOWS.  I do know that I am beating myself up and look like an abused wife WITHOUT a husband around.  Haha.  GOOD GRIEF!  I officially have a bruise or several on EVERY appendage.  Oh well, they should all be worth it when this move is done.

It may not look bad but I can barely move my digits and it's all swollen - I blame the ring and the box not my clumsy tired self!

I talked to Hubby this morning – he called Diva to see how she was.  ALL BETTER was her answer.  She is absolutely correct!  Her potty issues were actually MY fault.  I recently started juicing veggies and fruit for her to enjoy sans the artificial stuff.  Well, all of the stuff I was juicing contained diuretic properties~  OOPS.  I felt so bad when I found that out.  Future reference, DON”T use those veggies together.  She did LOVE the fresh juice so I will just be a little more careful not to put 4 pee producing vegetables in ONE 5oz serving.  Live and Learn I suppose. 

Life in our little world is so much better.  Looking forward to the weekend and Diva leaving for YMCA camp.  She CAN’T wait to be a big girl at camp and I am heart broken that my baby girl is going to be gone for a whole week.  PLUS side to this is that the camp uploads pictures daily of their camp adventures. 

How young is too young for camp – in your opinion?