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Friday, April 1

Words to make a Sailor blush... go She-Rah!


So... I did it!  I went to the waxing fairy and I must say I am SURE there are words SCREAMED spoken in that room that could make a Sailor blush!  I have never been in so much pain in my life... she swears next time will be better.  NEXT TIME... are you SERIOUS!
First of all... HUBBY emailed me and said he no longer had a set date he was returning and could be BEFORE or after original thought date.  BEFORE, CRAP~  Waxing appointment was set for Monday so before could be today or Wednesday.... WONDERFUL.  So I called my lady, ha ha.  MY lady.  I called the sadistic err wonderfully sweet waxing lady to see if she had an availability today and AMAZING some poor sap backed out and low and behold she did.
Since I hadn't prepared for this I swung by CVS for Aleve (NO Aspirin allowed) and baby wipes... I would have totally showered but there just wasn't time...

So heres the deal... I walked in and she seems so sweet, almost no makeup and is BEAUTIFUL.  Her boyfriend is a Marine coming home this week, we had a few moments to commiserate.  We walked into the room of DEATH total relaxtion, she said to remove everything waist down and put on the panties (small pieces of paper with a rubberband attached) and to lie on the table.  She stepped out and I quickly did as asked and laid down... *sidenote Diva was at daycare so I had a timeline*
She came in and her beautiful face was suddenly shrouded in red and she had fangs and horns!
She put gloves on and began to torture me... Just before every rip she said, this won't hurt too bad but DON'T move or you'll bruise!  RRRRIIIIPPP.... the room began to spin and I felt nauseous! WAIT! Did she say BRUISE~ how the hell do you bruise with wax.  Oh Lord what did I do!
 There were 3 or 4 good pulls ... I thought she was done NOPE, there is another side.  CRAP!  I wanted to stop and finish the other side at home with my Venus but that wouldn't have been such a great plan either.  CRAP!  I will admit side 2 was not QUITE as bad as side one but WTF!
HE BETTER appreciate this pain!  The things we put ourselves through for the wonderment of  R&R and homecoming. 
Once we were all done and I had places waxed that have NEVER seen the light of day she said, "So I will see you in about 5 weeks, it won't hurt as bad then"... then she rationalized that statement.  If it hurt that bad every time NO ONE would do it.
I handed her my ATM card and realized that I just paid for that torture!

Not sure how I feel about my Brazilian experience... truth be told I thought the only Brazilian I would experience would be my sexy bikini's (which oddly enough are small in the back not the front so the waxing name makes less sense now!)

There you have it....


Angie said...

New follower! And this post was a fantastic read only because I can relate. Mind you, she is right about the latter getting better. :) And for the record, I bruised once because instead of one quick pull, I had some idiot do a bunch of little tugs and bruised right on the inside where the skin is thin. Definitely visible outside underwear. :( But it was all worth it in the end!

Newlywed and Deployed said...

Thank you for this post! I read it at work yesterday and had to hide my laughter! I could not have described the experience any better myself! I was thinking I'd endure this torture once more for homecoming but I don't think I can handle it again! haha

Shana said...

Hi ladies! Sadly, I will endure it again for homecoming (maybe once before just to get used to it) I am a pretty low maintenance girl and just want to be all wash and go so this defintly helps...
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