Baren?

**Please read this with a lightheart - My story in short
 I was diagnosed with Primary Ovarian Failure at 20 years old (My chances of getting pregnant are less than 5% as my egg count is LOW.) - basically I was pre-menapause and on Hormone Replacement Therapy at 20!  My little sister gave birth to my beautiful oldest niece a month before my diagnosis so I became the best Aunt I could.  My husband and I went through infertility treatments and hoped to have a biological child however after 4 years my poking and prodding is done - maybe... **

With so many friends pregnant, trying or done with babies I find this conversation happening around me ALL the time. 

Having a 7 year old daughter always adds the question from people of WHEN we are having another one.  I would LOVE a GAGGLE of kids... I wish I were the crazy Dugger lady except they would all be foster kids and I would not be worrying about my uterus escaping my body in hopes of never being filled again.  I mean really... good grief to have 19 babies inhabiting one uterus... umm thanks but no.

This question of when ALWAYS makes me laugh internally.  WHY?  A) It’s NONE of your business!  If you know me then you know my story and if you don’t then STAY IN YOUR LANE.  B) When most people that go through infertility treatments get sad over this why do I giggle?  Its the only thing I can do - being sad and mad does no good.  I often jokingly use the words barren, infertile, NOT with child... The word baren is funny to me NOW, after 12 years of infertility because I only use it when an older person questions my future baby making plans... I respond, looking down and pathetic and say, “No ma’am I am BAREN!”  This usually shuts them up... if NOT well then I will explain my Menopause at 19 – and hot flashes and HRT.  That’s usually the end of it. 

It’s all true –  Its still hard when I see some 15 year old on the news with a baby in a dumpster or killed by an abusive parent- WHY can’t I but they can?!  

NO- I am not jealous of family/friends that have babies!  I am SUPER happy for them.  I love baby showers, baby names and the smell of cute little bundles of joy.  I think that being a mother is the most amazing feeling ever.  I want everyone, well every responsible adult in a responsible place in their life, to have this.  I don’t like when friends tiptoe around the baby thing OR push it into EVERY conversation because it's not a big pink elephant.    This does not mean that I don’t want to look at a baby and see my eyes or my ears BUT guess what.  I see those things in Diva – she has my stick straight fine hair and my huge feet!  Lucky for her she does NOT have my nose (or Hubby’s ears)!  She is MY daughter – I couldn’t love her more if I spent HOURS in labor and MONTHS of breastfeeding. 

Will she have a brother? WITHOUT a doubt – and per her request, he will be just like her!