Insecurities

Is there anything in your life that makes you insecure? 

I know I have said it before but Hubby is in the best shape of his LIFE – and I am really feeling the insecurity of it all.  Weird as I would never consider myself insecure about anything... except this.   I was a bikini model when I met Hubby – I had been for several years, working out twice a day and eating ONLY lean chicken and drinking protein shakes.  Then he came, then Diva... and there went my infinite time to work out and my SUPER strict diet.  It was replaced by 3 meals, daily Starbucks,  A LOT of fast food (Hubby had just gotten home from Iraq) and ZERO gym time.  I loved being a mommy and a gf/wife so I settled into it.  Hubby was a big guy then – very muscular and looked like his bodyguard profession.  I loved being the tiny wife next to him - I could stand behind him COMPLETELY concealed!

One of my main goals this deployment was to get into the best shape of my life or at least close to the shape I was when we met.  I was on my way in October, I found a kickboxing gym and fell in LOVE, then I got sick – stress induced skin inflammation so I was sidelined for 8 weeks.   I was anxious to go back- mid January I was back 3 times a week until April... then the TOTAL derail.  Hubby came home for R&R, and then left... then homecoming and then the move.... I HAVE NO TIME outside of my job, Diva, moving in/unpacking and sleeping.  I feel horrible about myself – just absolutely horrible.  I know that I am not fat – just out of shape for me. 

This morning I woke up to a new leaf – I am in a good place mentally, back on an eating program (mine is basic: breakfast with a fruit, snack, 2 servings of fruit and a protein for lunch, snack and a lean protein dinner) I will start swimming with Diva every night after work/school and trying to walk 10-20 minutes daily at work.  I want my size 2 back – I don’t want to be at the pool with my six pack husband feeling like I look like a six TIRE wife.  I know that this will take more than the next 10 days until he is home BUT at least by then I should be in a good place with our eating and it won’t be such a shock to have him and his SUPER OCD eating back in the house.

Lets talk eating plans... anything interesting?  I have been reading a lot of you ladies are on the  Dukan Diet -