I do have some things to get off my chest about R & R – I will preface this by saying that I do love my husband with every ounce of my body (that’s a lot of ounces!)
**I am just going to write this because it’s my blog and I will be brutally honest if I want to, what’s the point in being anything other on an anonymous blog.**
I am petrified, nervous, anxious, excited and …. Well PETRIFIED about R&R. I am scared that we will have changed too much, I am worried that he and Diva will have issues, I am worried that he will be the “Disneyland Dad” letting her get away with everything for me to pick the pieces up when he heads back. I am worried we won’t be as attracted to each other, or he will be yelling and screaming at the dogs or the kid or me the whole time…. Basically I am a STRESS BALL of nerves. I know that my house is a mess because I figure he CAN’T come home till it’s clean so if I go slow then he wont come home as fast. I love my husband more than anything and have gotten through the past year of all of this knowing that we are together for a reason that will all the crap in my past he is my redemption and my way to right all my wrongs…. But with that said, I do NOT want R&R.
Another thing, it’s a disruption. He left and Diva wet the bed and her pants for MONTHS… MONTHS of extra clothes to school and water resistant mattress covers. Months of explaining to the teacher that we just need some understanding and not diapers! Months of the sad looks from other moms when they show up and my little one is crying because he is gone. Months for the crying every night about Daddy dying at war to stop… we have been good and on our little way for the last 6 months or so and now he will come home for 15 days and send me back to square one again. I don’t know if I have the mental wherewithal to do this again. I hurt for my poor baby when she hurts… it’s a mom thing. So I keep trying to remind her that daddy is just home on vacation and I keep trying to remind him that we have a routine that needs to be adhered to for survival as we still have MONTHS left after this leave. Yes, I am a SUPER control freak… ADMITTEDLY. It’s not a secret to ANYONE that knows me. I have talked to my military wife friends and they say I am normal, WHAT NORMAL… if this is normal no wonder MilDoctors give away XANEX like candy! AHHH…. Deployment. I hated the civilian job schedule but I promise to the Almighty I will never whine about his Civilian job schedule again!